One Ring to Rhyme them all
by robochar
Summary: This is one of my lst full fics. This is a very funny fic in which Zel Rhymes and also has to say whats on his mind. Its kinda crazy but funny.Thanks Kelly for help on the rhymes. Z/A, L/G coulpings.( i can't belive i wrote this...)


One Ring to Rhyme them all…  
  
By  
  
Bethany  
  
Narrator: Zelgadiss Greywords, was a really annoying, manic depressive, caffeine addicted, obsessive, and grumpy…  
  
Zel: HEY!!! Stop describing me like that!!!  
  
N.: Well I was just telling them the truth…  
  
Zel: Look…just do your job ok…  
  
N.:*hump* fine…*under breath* dick…  
  
Zel: HEY!!!!  
  
N.: Um anyways.. Zel was looking STILL looking for his cure. He hasn't seen Amelia in about 4 months but even though he really liked her, thought she was REALLY hot, and REALLY missed her, he wouldn't admit it. So he was going to Sayrune to find his "cure" …even though it really didn't matter to Amelia cause she thought he was hot anyways…  
  
Zel: No she doesn't!!!  
  
N.: um you know I am not making this stuff up…I am the Narrator…I know everything.  
  
Zel: *Grumble* whatever just move on.  
  
Almighty N.: Ok so Zel finally arrives and goes straight through to the palace. When he gets there he meets up with Amelia. Amelia is really glad to see Zel. ::girly sigh::  
  
Amelia: Oh Mr. Zelgadiss it's so wonderful to see you again! ::sparkly shoujo eyes::  
  
Zel: Umm….Hi, Yeah. ::blush:: Can you just direct me to your libraries.  
  
Amelia: Oh yeah ::sigh:: The cure thing.  
  
Zel: Umm… DUH! Isn't it kind of obvious? I mean I'm still a freak right?  
  
Amelia: Well not really, but since it seems so important to you, I'll try to help you as best as I can.  
  
N: So Ame-chan takes Zel-kun to the libraries. There are many libraries in the Sayruun palace.  
  
Ame: So the central library is down the hall and to your left, and then the other two… etc, etc, etc.  
  
Zel: Yeah thanks Amelia ::smile::  
  
Ame: Ok have fun Mr. Zelgadiss. Dinner is at six 'o' clock. I will have a suit set out on your bed.  
  
N: Zelgadiss really didn't want to disappoint Amelia even though he really didn't want to go to dinner and have people look at him funny. So he just agreed. So Zel set off on his search by starting the small library in the west wing. Zel goes through many, many, many, many books and he finds one that sounds pretty interesting. It was called "Ancient Mystical Items and Where to Find Them" by Newton Artemis Fido Scamander. So Zel looks at it for a while, and while he is he finds information on a mystical ring located in the castle of ARRRGH! Which was conveniently a nickname of the Sayruun Palace.  
  
Zel: The Mystical Ring of Arrrgh… Oh here is a map to where to find it.  
  
N: He follows the map and finds himself in Amelia's room. It's supposed to be under a floorboard, but before he gets it, he decides to take a quick peek into Amelia's underwear drawer.  
  
Zel: Oooh… A thong that says "Love and Peace." ::clears throat:: Anyway! Ring floorboard.  
  
N. Zel picks up a floorboard and finds a pouch with a small gold ring and a message, Zel quickly slips the ring on without thinking.  
  
Zel: Hmm… Damn it didn't give me my cure! I'm thinking about stealing that "Love and Peace" thong for sure! Oh crap, why did I just say that? I miss Peaches, my old kittycat.  
  
N: Zel was thoroughly confused as to what in the heck was going on, so he picked up the old scripture, and read it to himself.  
  
Zel: ::to himself, not out loud:: "One ring to reveal and rhyme them all, The ring's first thought is true to them, The ring's second random as llamas at the Mall, And all the truth will come out then." ::out loud again:: What in the nine hells? Remember that time Xellos got squished by bells?  
  
N: So Zel's next thought was to take off the ring but it won't come off.  
  
Zel: Dammit! It won't come off! There was this one time I had to eat out of a trough.  
  
N: Zel then remembered that he was supposed to go to dinner with Amelia. Even though he really didn't want to go. He didn't want to let Amelia know! So he went into the room and slipped on the suit. He went down to dinner and didn't intend to talk. But of course he did. This is Zel, not Trowa. He's quiet but not that quiet.  
  
Amelia: There won't be many people here.  
  
N: Zel thanked almighty L-Sama.  
  
Amelia: But I did invite a couple of my friends.  
  
N: Now Zel was scared, he didn't want any of Amelia's teenybopper royal friends looking at him ("Hey Princess Britney! Check out Amelia's friend!" "Yeah he sure is weird Princess Christina," "I think he's kind of cute don't you Princess Mandy?" "Yeah I do Princess Jessica! How about you Princess Britney?" "I like Justin. Hey Princess Christina, let's give him a makeover!")  
  
Amelia: Yeah you haven't seen them in a long time.  
  
N: Then Zel got even more worried. In fact this was probably ten times as bad as the Princess Slumber Party from Jive records hell. (Actually Amelia tried to avoid the four dancing Princesses at all costs) One wrong move and he was burnt toast, literally.  
  
Lina: Shut up narrator!  
  
N: EEK! Ok, fine ::bows before Lina::  
  
Zel: Hey wait, why are you listening to her and not me? My cat Peaches is floating in front of me!  
  
N: No offense but she actually follows through with her threats. Anyway, on with the story.  
  
Lina: Hey guys I'm here! Where's the grub?  
  
Gourry: I like meat.  
  
Zel: Gourry that was dumb. You know Lina, you kind of have a nice bum.  
  
Lina: WHAT!  
  
Zel: I said Gourry that was dumb. You know Lina, you kind of have a nice bum.  
  
Lina: PERVERT… Really? You think I have a nice ass?  
  
Gourry: Stay away, Lina's ass is mine!  
  
Amelia: Do you like mine?  
  
Zel: What kind of question is that? Hell yeah Amelia baby, you got back!  
  
Amelia: Thanks Mr. Zelgadiss! ::sigh:: Zelly thinks I have a nice butt.  
  
Gourry: Am I the only one who sees something wrong here.  
  
Ame and Lina: ::shoujo eyes:: He thinks we have nice butts!  
  
N: Anyways enough with the ass stuff, let's just skip ahead a little. They're eating dinner.  
  
Gourry: Zelgadiss you are sure acting weird.  
  
N: Zel finally decided to tell them about the ring, but he really didn't want to say that he found it in Amelia's bedroom.  
  
Zel: Well I found this mystical ring in a ditch. Gosh Lina is an annoying bitch!  
  
Lina: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darknessbeyondtwilightcrimsonbeyondbloodthatflows…..  
  
Amelia: MISS LINA NOT IN THE PALACE!!!!!!!  
  
Lina: Fine ::picks up Zel and throws him out the window, raywinging behind him.::  
  
Narrator: So they all go outside the palace, and Amelia remembering an ancient relic that was hidden in the palace…  
  
Amelia: Miss Lina I don't he can control what he's saying.  
  
N: Amelia proceeds to tell them the story of the ring. How the small gold band with the little silver tall striped hat on it was created in the fires of the mountains of Whoville.  
  
Amelia: Oh the places that ring went! Then it finally arrived via a Swammy Swan to the palace of Sayruun. And it was in my…. Room ::Glares at Zel::  
  
::Zel just looks even more nervous::  
  
Ame: ::whispers to herself:: My underwear drawer was open before I came to dinner. ::blush:: I hope he didn't see my Love and Peace thong!  
  
Lina: So that means…. He didn't mean it. Well, Wait he did, It was his secret thoughts! YOU CALLED ME A BITCH!  
  
Amelia: Well Miss Lina, in Mr. Zelgadiss' defense, you are kind of a bitch.  
  
N: Great going Amelia, now Sayruun is a giant crater.  
  
Ame: That's unjust, I was only telling the truth!  
  
N: Fine. Rewind to right after you said it.  
  
Lina: Ack! I can't cast it!  
  
Gourry: That time of the month?  
  
Lina: JELLYFISH!  
  
Gourry: Is it?  
  
Lina: Shut up, girls don't like to talk about it! ::sigh:: Well he did say I had a nice ass.  
  
N: Zel went to bed early that night, as to avoid any further human contact.  
  
Zel: Dammit! This wouldn't have happened if Rezo hadn't turned me into a chimera. Jeez, I hate that figure skater, Lipinski, Tara. ::Zel just shrugged. He didn't even know he was a figure skating fan, but he must be.:: I need more covers it's kind of cold. Michelle Kwan most definitely deserved the gold.  
  
N: Zel hmmphed, grabbed more covers, and fell asleep. After counting sheep (One, fun, two, Blue's Clues, three, tree…) He had sweet dreams about his kitty Peaches and his Mummy and Daddy, who he missed very much but wouldn't go back because he thought they would hate him now for being a freak. Ok… Next day! (Zel's favorite character in "Cowboy Bebop" is Faye.)  
  
Amelia: So Mr. Zelgadiss I think we should try to go and find the way to get that ring off! I hear there is magical Vaseline in the town nearby Filia's home.  
  
Lina: Sounds good to me. ::giggle:: He thinks I have a nice ass.  
  
Gourry: MY Lina's ass.  
  
Narry: NO MORE ASS STUFF GUYS!  
  
All: Fine (Zel: Oooh, If you look at my hand in the right light, it shines!)  
  
Amelia: Oh it does kind of shine Mr. Zelgadiss. It sparkles! Cool.  
  
N: Anyway since this fic is already incredibly messed up, we are going to try to continue. So they all head off to the town Lubricante where the magic Vaseline is. Suddenly Prince Phil appears for a short cameo.  
  
Phil: Have fun in the town of Lubricante ::hugs everyone::  
  
Zel: ::pulls away breathing hard:: STOP IT! Push it, pull it, Bop it!  
  
N: Everyone gave him a very strange look and wordlessly left on their way. Ok guys, they're on the trip. Zelgadiss has not talked since they left. (Hey that's no fun!)  
  
Gourry: Hey where are we going again?  
  
Lina: Yogurt for brains!!! Were going to the town of Lubricante!!!  
  
Gourry: Oh…Where's that?  
  
Zel: Its in the town near Fillia. *Under breath* Gezzes I want to have passionate sex with Amelia  
  
Amelia: What…in the…hell…did YOU JUST SAY!?!?!  
  
Zel: I can't believe Amelia cussed!!! I really like your big beautiful bust.  
  
Amelia: PERVERT!!! I CAN'T BELIVE YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
N.: Well, what Amelia failed to realize is Zel IS a guy. Guys sometimes think of weird stuff . But even though Zel is pretty perverted so I understand what she did next.  
  
~Later that night~  
  
Amelia: Goodnight every one *evil glare* good night evil perverted henti Mr. Zelgaiss.  
  
Zel: Good night. When heading in please turn right. *grumbles* Ow its hard to sleep with this huge bump on my head. I wish that I was dead. I can be such a perv. I got on Amelia's nerve. I know she hates me even more. But I was just ugly before.  
  
N. but little did Zel know that Amelia was stand right out side the tent and herd EVERY SINGLE WORD!!!  
  
Amelia: But Mr. Zelgadiss you're not ugly and I love you.  
  
Zel: Look Amelia lets just go to the town near Fillia. I truly love you Amelia. I can't believe what I just said. I like to sculpt out of lead.  
  
Amelia:::more shojo eyes: Zelgadiss…I…::eyes stop:: Lead? Hey the ring fell off.  
  
Zel: Your right…YES!!!!  
  
Amelia: Yes, I just they way to get it off was to say your true desire. Me and…lead sculpting  
  
Zel: Yes its my secret passion…hey Amelia?  
  
Amelia: Yes Zelgadiss?  
  
Zel: Wanna see my cat made out of lead? Oh and I love you!  
  
Amelia: I love you too!! And um sure…why not  
  
N.: AWWWWWWWWW!!! Don't you just love sap? Me too!!! Well know that every thing was back to normal they went back to Sayrun. Zel then decided to go into lead sculpting. Zel and Amelia, and Lina and Gourry live happily ever after. The…  
  
Amelia: Hey Mister Zelgadiss? Where's my "Love and Peace" thong?  
  
Zel: Damn…I was hoping you forget about that…oops  
  
N. OK now  
  
  
  
~THE END~  
  
  
  
Disclaimer*: Slayers is copyrighted Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi, Takeshi Watanebe, TV Tokyo, Soft X, Dragon Magazine, Kadowa Shoten and a bunch of other people. Here is the Church and here is the Steeple. I make no claim to Slayers or any of the other stuff I mentioned. Gee I really Kenshin.. So please so please don't sue me. I don't have any money. 


End file.
